


Bad Dreams

by Talvi (inn_havi)



Series: Stories of Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:49:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inn_havi/pseuds/Talvi
Summary: Stories of Thedas writing challenge day 2/31
Series: Stories of Thedas [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086773
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Bad Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Stories of Thedas writing challenge day 2/31

Hawke sat in a chair in front of the fireplace in the study of Hawke Estate, bent forward with his arms resting on his knees, blue eyes staring blankly into the dancing flames before him. If he wanted to, he could probably make them dance around some more, do little flips, or even just stop. Why was he even so focused on the flames anyways? They weren’t providing as much warmth as one would think, given that he was already in long sleeves and pants with the door to the front room shut. He could hear his Mabari give a bark of playfulness and Sandal giving a yip in return.

Normally those sounds would make him feel happy and smile a little, maybe even invite him to join them in their conversation. But he couldn’t get himself to. He was stuck in his chair, limbs unable to move, and eyes glued to the flames. He couldn’t focus on anything else now. Not even on the noises outside. Wait. Where were the noises? When had it gone silent? Before he could think to move his head to look towards the door, a firm grasp was placed on his shoulder, causing Garrett to jolt and look up with wide eyes. “Bethany? What’re you-”

“You’ve been out of it for awhile, you know.” Bethany smiled warmly, helping her brother rise from his seat. “We’ve been wondering where you were.”

Was Hawke supposed to meet them somewhere? “Sorry, I suppose I… lost track of time?” Normally he would have a snarkier response, but there was a fog in his mind preventing him from coming up with anything else.

“It’s perfectly fine, we’re okay with waiting, although Carver has begun to grow a little impatient. But what’s new?” Bethany grinned, watching as her sibling tried to go to the door to the front of the estate. “Oh, no, we’re just up here. Come on.” She waved for her brother to follow up the stairs, fingers gliding along the rail on the left side. “I brought him!” She called to the others waiting at… Hold up.

“How did we get here?” Hawke looked around at the walls of their Uncle’s home, the entire Hawke family standing there looking at him. “This isn’t…” He felt the fog grow thicker as he looked over Carver, their mother, Bethany and… “Father?” For a moment Garrett felt his heart swell with happiness. They were with their family. Everyone was all alive and well. He could almost smile.  _ Almost _ .

This still didn’t feel right, you see. Being in that dusty home in Lowtown with Bethany and their father wasn’t right. It was off. Garrett felt dizzy. Nauseous. He wanted to vomit.

“I told you he wouldn’t be able to handle being here,” Carver spoke, Garret barely able to pay any sort of attention.

“My darling child,” their father spoke, looking at Garrett with the deep blue eyes that he had inherited. “Close your eyes and imagine a place you wish you were.” That would probably be Lothering. Where, specifically, he didn’t care. But a place of happiness and peace...

So he closed his eyes, hearing a hum of approval from his father. It was so hard to process. The whole family looked alive and well, with meat on their bones and content looks on their faces. There was movement of Bethany walking to stand in front of Garrett, signaling for him to open their eyes.

“Maker!” He gasped, stepping back. He couldn’t take her eyes off of his sister in front of him, blood streaming down her face and caking in her dark hair, the blood seeping from her nose and ears, eyes bloodshot. Shit, that’s how he last saw his baby sister. “Bethany?” He breathed heavily, heart pounding in his chest. They were in Lothering. This much made sense, but Bethany’s appearance...

“Oh?” Bethany put a finger to her forehead and pulled it away, looking at the blood. “Oh no, it didn’t work.”

“Let him see, sister,” Carver spoke from further ahead, still standing in between their parents. He was deathly pale, veins popping through his neck, lips stained dark. “Let Garrett see the consequences of his own actions.”

“Now Carver,” Leandra spoke softly to her son as Hawke began to tear up. That damned wedding dress, the marks on her neck. All of the color taken from her and her cheeks sunken in. “He has eyes and a brain. He can see how he caused us all to die.” She looked at Garrett, tilting her head to the side a little with a smile. “Can’t you, my son?”

“I…” Hawke stammered over the word, trying to find something to say but drawing a blank.

“You’re too hard on the boy, Leandra,” their father spoke, appearing the way he had on his deathbed much similarly to their mother. Sunken cheeks, no color, dull eyes. “He’s been protecting his friends, the man he loves. He hasn't had time to focus on how everything that’s happened is his fault.”

“But… You…”Garrett swallowed, trying to form words. He remembered being at their father’s side, holding his hand when he passed. That wasn’t his fault. “You died before we fled…” That pain felt as real as when their father first passed away, like a stabbing through their heart. The two of them were so close, and then he was taken from Garrett with little to hold on to.

“You were supposed to protect them.” His voice echoed around his shaken son, as it had for years already. “Protect your family”. The last thing he had asked of his eldest to do.

“You failed at that, my dear brother,” Bethany added on, putting her hands on Garrett’s shoulders but being met with him pulling himself away. “Just accept it. Come over with us and you won’t have to live with the burden anymore.” Bethany smiled sweetly, but there was something dark in her voice that dripped in the space between them. “You see, I don’t even have to be bothered by the fact that I died protecting mother, and you couldn’t even keep her safe for a moment.” Those images of Bethany being thrown into the dirt by the Ogre flashed into Garrett’s mind, the cries of his mother begging her to wake up.

“You know that if you had protected me instead of Varric that I wouldn’t have become tainted,” Carver spoke, crossing his arms and looking at his brother dead in the eyes. “You broke mother’s heart when you returned home without me.” His voice was hoarse and airy, as though he was struggling to breathe and get his words out. “Perhaps you wanted mother to die because of how worried she was about us, and not at all about you.”

“No, Carver!” Garrett cried out to him, wanting to tell him how wrong he was.

“Don’t! She’s dead! You let her die, even when I told you to protect her!” Carver barked his words at him, seeming to hope that his brother would feel pain with every syllable that spewed out of his mouth. Garrett could barely stand to hear it, imagining his little brother lying lifeless on the ground, that dagger bloodied…

“I didn’t want any of you dead!” Hawke screamed, shutting his eyes tight and wishing the nightmare away. “I loved all of you!” The sounds of stabbing, praying, the memories of screaming next to the body of their mother, kicking at the corpse of that damned necromancer, crying to himself against his deceased mother’s bedroom door… “Just stop!”

It grew quiet. It was a sudden flip, and, although not quite eerie, it didn’t sit right. Garrett took a few breaths, then opened his eyes. He found himself back in the study, alone, without a sound being made around him. Not even the sound of the fire in the hearth down below. Maybe he had snapped out of whatever it was he had just experienced? He needed to go find Anders and-

_ BANG BANG BANG _

“What?” That sounded like the front door. Garrett inhaled, slowly making his way to the bottom portion of the study. The fire in the hearth had gone out. Had he been away that long?

“My love, we need help!” Anders? With haste, Garrett rushed to the door and swung it open quickly, ready to jump in wherever needed to protect his home and everyone inside. What forced him to pause, however, was the sight of the bloodied and mangled bodies that scattered the entrance. Bianca by Varric’s side, Fenris lying atop the stairs, Anders with Dog lying on top of him as if trying to protect him… Isabela, Aveline…

“No…” Hawke fell to his knees, looking at them. Because he wasn’t there, they all…

“No!” Hawke cried out, waking in a jolt and sitting up quickly as he panted in an attempt to catch his breath. He could feel a surprised movement beside him in the sheets, a murmur of a comforting voice as he wept in his cold sweat.

“My love, my love…” Anders sat up and brought Hawke in close, wrapping one arm around his torso and the other positioned where he could place his hand over his ear, gently pulling his head into him. “You’re alright, love…” He rocked him gently, continuing to hush him in as a soothing tone as he could manage being barely awake. “Everything’s okay…” He assured him as he stroked his hair. “It was just a bad dream…”


End file.
